I’ve just watched Chris Packham’s smiley and apparently ageless face talking animatedly about nature’s weirdest events; ants circling in an ever tightening ring until they literally die of exhaustion, parasites exercising mind control over snails and worms emerging from beetles.
As the credits rolled there was a reminder that Newsnight tonight will focus on the horrendous attacks that took place yesterday in Paris.
For just a brief moment I wondered if some higher body, deity, God if you like, was sitting watching their childhood favourite presenter express similarly gruesome fascination and unanswered questions over events in the human natural world – if that isn’t a misnomer in itself.
Yesterday I had the most appalling afternoon with my son. Everything was melodrama and catastrophe from me refusing to play with his racing cars after he threw one at me, to the bread falling to pieces when he tried to make a sandwich. It was like a rollercoaster with all the bolts removed and how I stayed on until 7pm I do not know!
At about 3pm a friend came over and casually shared with me the highlight of her eldest son’s 7th birthday party when his 6 year old brother hit an 11 year old over the head and refused to allow him near any of his toys.
Whilst we shared these halcyon glories of motherhood with a wry smile, the undercurrent of ‘WHY THE HELL DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF’ came through in the round of our shoulders and the exhausted roll of our eyes…and the depth of our friendship rang true as we both admitted to each other that we would think twice about embarking on this journey given our time again.
I reflected as I sat down to continue working on my Recovering from Motherhood programme how infrequently we feel the space, courage and trust to let down that uncomfortable facade of parenting to admit to ourselves, let alone others, that we are not breezing through child rearing with picture postcard memories, instinctive boundary-setting and jam packed star charts – we are crawling through it with postcard memories of travels we used to be able to do, we are battling through it with wet-batteried flickering light-sabres and HSE regulated pellet-guns….we are struggling – and (yes…lets say it out loud) we aren’t sure if its actually worth it….
I do love you…although…
My friend reflected that if people like us went to talk to those teenagers in school, those twenty somethings…even some of those thirty-somethings who see the need to find the right man, settle down and have a family as vital to success and who still feel the pressure not to be ‘left on the shelf’…we could probably have a pretty big impact on rising population levels….but have we come far enough that schools and colleges would let us pass such revolutionary information to the ears of our future…would we be branded as selfish, egocentric…for daring to say out loud and in public…that you may in fact come to regret having kids….
She suggested, despite there being no way either of us can go back to where we once were – thus rendering our discussion pointless….that I should write a blog about our confession…so I did…
And if you are happy to share your totally anonymous view…I’d love you to deepen – or maybe even share my shame….
Based on the feedback from the Open Space survey I have decided to postpone the event scheduled for 19th November 2015.
Whilst most of the respondents who gave their views wanted the event to continue in 2015 to enable a discussion which other forums do not represent, the level of response suggested that the timing is not right for this stage of the dialogue to begin.
That said it has opened some new conversations and sparked some new activities and I do not expect this event to go away – far from it I would love to see you signed up to come along when we reschedule in Q1/2 2016. Until then – keep talking.
…because I’ve just REALLY enjoyed my work! Two weeks ago I ran my first free resilience seminar at Suffolk Food Hall for a great group of HR experts from a wide range of local businesses and it was FUN!
Today I ran another workshop at the CEFAS labs in Lowestoft courtesy of the lovely Karin Rundle who gave us her great lecture theatre for the morning – and I had FUN again.
90% of people are dissatisfied with their job and many are stressed and frustrated and unable to see the way out. If you want to get back the FUN and bounce in your role, maybe these words from an old old source will resonate with you.
The intent of Open Space is to bring together people who care about a specific question to discuss, engage in and take action upon that issue. Asking the question can itself highlight some complex dynamics surrounding the issue and has done just that in our case – to my mind this simply reconfirms the complexity of the question and the need to work together to solve it.
However….I want to run an event for Ipswich that is valuable and have given my time for free to that end. I am aware that there are a number of other activities and events taking place in parallel to this Open Space and it is my sense that to continue with our own event at this time would not fit with a spirit of collaboration and an avoidance of duplication.
In the spirit of Open Space I would like to gather your views on the way forward before I make any changes. I have kept it simple and very very quick – you can share your view by clicking https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/OpenSpace.
You are welcome to forward the questions to others if you feel they have a view we should capture but please only click the link if you really care about Ipswich and it’s future.
We have over 30 of the great and good of Ipswich already signed up so there is clearly energy and reason to have the dialogue…the question here is when and where.
Thank you for getting involved
Odd title for a post you may think. But for multitasking me it’s pretty appropriate.
Whilst my youngest son enjoys the ballpark at Felixstowe leisure centre, I am putting the finishing touches to my husband’s handiwork on my Bouncability website where he has managed to incorporate the words “some more ball for your bounce” in a moment of creative genius!
The ball metaphor has been quite a fun one to work with in my design work for the Resilience Series – but I know it has its limitations. For a start there are a huge range of balls with an equally broad range of purposes. Some are designed to bounce but others are certainly not – as my one time attempt to bounce a bowling ball reminds me. The glories of plastic have provided the ultimate flexibility from squash balls carefully graded by speed of bounce to table tennis balls – light as a feather and more prone to crack than squash under direct pressure.
Much like our metaphor, we too have different degrees and speeds of Bouncability. We each have different tolerances for being thrown, different heights of bounce and fall. I’ve learned over the years that I bounce pretty hard and high – and that at times this capacity is far from healthy. Bouncing places a great deal of strain on both my own system and those around me and can lead to a distinct inability to relax and be mindful. So how do we each find the balance to roll, rest and bounce just enough?
if you look after your elasticity and your energy, your bounce can be endless and serve to take you to new heights
learn to recognise the difference between bounce and buzz – if you’re buzzing you can often overpower others and your own limitations with detrimental outcomes
Tune into what makes other people around you bounce, buzz and break – and recognise that their bounce might not look like yours!
know that whilst fun and free, bouncing all day means you only experience snippets of both the ground and the sky and that you’re never actually present in either.
…and before I stretch the metaphor too far I’m going to sign off and do some more ball work with Benjamin
What more can we do to improve the state of Ipswich?
On the 19th November I will be hosting an event in central Ipswich to bring together a diverse range of people from public, private and third sector, health, education and political plus the general public using Open Space Technology to explore how best to work together to deliver a future that we all want for a town we all care about.
Find out more and book your attendance today by emailing firstname.lastname@example.org or by putting http://eepurl.com/bzfL5j into your web-browser and signing up.